After speaking to the team leader of the psychiatrist I saw last week, I was feeling hopeful. After all, not every doc at Community Mental Health can be condescending and arrogant, right?
Not so fast. Apparently there is no way to swap me to another psychiatrist. No reasons were given, apart from “It’s quite tough at the moment”, but my educated guess is that every other psych is overloaded. I can’t be switched. The only suggestion is that the team leader could come with me to my appointments.
This is crushing. The very idea of willingly going back to a doctor that made me feel worthless, insignificant, and stupid, is incredibly upsetting. Having his boss sitting in may put him on his best behavior, but it won’t stop him being an arrogant ass.
I’m not very stable, and little things like this send me into floods of tears. I wish I could go back to the excellent psychiatrist as the crisis team, but he had to pass me on to Community because he’s not funded for long-term care. I feel trapped and powerless.
There are always personalities that just clash. His and mine are one such pair. The inflexibility of the community mental health team’s workloads means that I have to grit my teeth and feel beaten down by this man, or I can leave. It’s not good for me, and it’s not good for anyone else who finds themselves in this position. I just wish I knew a way to make this better for myself and everyone else that has to be treated by this system.