Multiplying diagnoses

Six months or so ago, I was diagnosed bipolar, and it launched the round after round of medication roulette to try and find a combination that kept me well enough to be getting out of bed in the morning. When I started this journey that was all I wanted – I have a decent set of coping strategies, I just needed that little bit more so I was well enough for them to kick in. Or so I thought.

Today was my first proper meeting with my new case manager, who will co-ordinate my care with Community Mental Health. I came out feeling shattered.

The entire focus of the meeting was on my anxiety problems. I know I’ve been having some anxiety problems, I’ve had them as long as I can remember. They play up most in in stores with fluorescent lights and less-than-friendly staff, for reasons well beyond my understanding. At times it’s worse, and just being out is too much, but these times pass.

But such a big focus on anxiety, with every other issue I have being pushed aside, made me feel like I’ve just discovered another part of me that’s more broken than I thought. I’ve coped with this problem all my life, and it only limits me a little. To be told that I need therapy or maybe meds to control it makes me feel even less normal than I was when I walked in to the room. It made me feel overwhelmed with my ever-widening range of problems.

I walked in to mental health with a bout of depression that wasn’t resolving. So far this time round, I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar and now anxiety. It feels like instead of the hope I was feeling with my old psych, I’m sinking deeper and deeper into black hopelessness. What else is wrong with me that I don’t know about?

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2 thoughts on “Multiplying diagnoses

  1. Carrie Lange

    I can’t imagine how frustrating and disheartening this can be. But take heart and be proud of yourself for having the strength to fight and tough it out. When my fiance was diagnosed with OCD and clinical depression, he ignored it, said they were wrong, refused to take the prescription or go to therapy… and two weeks later shot himself in the head. You are not weak. You are strong! =D

    Reply
    1. Wombat Post author

      I wish I felt strong. It honestly feels like my word is dissolving around me, and the solvent is the mental health system. I can’t see an end to this, but I have to keep moving and hoping.

      Reply

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