Today Is Not A Good Day

Today is not going well. It seems to be all tears and misery. No motivation, feeling spaced out and dizzy.

It could be the new meds. The last time I started on venlafaxine was pretty hellish, but it doesn’t seem quite as bad this time. It could be the new set of diagnoses – I’m feeling like no-one is really sure what’s wrong with me, that I’m getting so many varied diagnoses depending on which bit of my life they look at. My current doc stopped taking my history before we’d got to my mid-teens. The decent doc before that focused on my more recent history, from my mid-teens onward. And they came to completely different conclusions.

Is it PTSD, treatment-resistant depression, bipolar, or something else entirely, or even a combination of these? I don’t know any more. The confusion is really affecting me.

I’m not very coherent today, never mind eloquent. I feel like the problems I was working on solving have morphed into something new, something different, and I don’t know how to get a handle on them yet. Is this confusion causing the physical misery I feel?

Maybe a few more sleeps will bring more clarity.

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