The weight gain I’ve experience in the last couple of months is really distressing me. I’ve gone up three band sizes in my bra, and somewhere between two and four jeans sizes. I feel uncomfortable in my own skin again.
But worse is how I feel about raising this with a doc. I feel like it’s only a minor side effect, that I should just accept it. When I brought it up with the Psych of Doom that I refuse to go back to, he brushed it off. It makes me fearful about bringing it up again.
It’s not minor to me though. It’s making me feel even more miserable. It’s affecting my relationship with food – I feel like I don’t want to eat because I’ll turn into a blimp with very little effort on my part. The raging hunger has abated, which is probably a good thing but it makes me feel more like starving myself.
Loving the skin I’m in is really important to me. Even when I weighed in thirty kilos heavier than I am now, I was happy with myself and didn’t feel this crazy need to change. The weight fell off over a hard winter with not a lot of food available, and a mixed episode where I didn’t care for myself very well. But now I feel like if I put it back on I’m losing that comfort in my own skin, and the feeling that I looked all right when I saw myself in the mirror.