Today I had my weekly meeting with my CMH case manager. She’s heard from my new psychiatrist, and we started talking about my options on where to go from here.
The list was six items long. The items were:
- Mood Management therapy group
- Distress Tolerance/Resilience group
I looked at that list, and I felt utterly overwhelmed. So many options, and I just don’t know where to start. Well, that’s not quite true, I’m working on getting my meds right and on getting more exercise, so that cut the list down to four items.
Four items. That’s not too bad, right? A reasonable number to talk about so I can figure out what’s next on my path to becoming well again. But I couldn’t cope with it. It was just too much. The more information I was given, the less I could think. It ended up with my partner and the case manager coming to a decent plan, and me agreeing to it.
This is a recurring theme in my life. When I’m down, giving me too many options just leaves me confused and unable to think. When I’m really unwell, even two choices is too many. “Do you want a drink” produces a weeping mess because I can’t decide between ‘yes’ and ‘no’.
I don’t know what causes this. Why does making a decision mess me up so much? When I’m well I can just do these things without thinking. Why is it so different when I’m not well?