Today I actually managed to join a gym! It’s a major part of the treatment plan that my doctor has laid out for me, and I can see why it’s a good idea. Plus, it will help with the weight I’ve gained – 18kg! I was horrified to step on the scales there, but I need a baseline to look at my progress against.
I spent an hour there, did a weights round and thirty-five minutes of cardio work. Had a lovely shower, came home. Problem is, now I feel . . . I don’t know. Flat. Empty. Sad.
Going to the gym always used to make me feel good, but right now I feel pretty down. I feel guilty for going out instead of working on the assignment that’s due tomorrow. I don’t have the ‘high’ that going to the gym used to give me, and that makes me feel even more guilty, for reasons I can’t even begin to fathom.
I’m going to keep going – I’m not paying $15 a week to not go! – and maybe it will get better. But right now, I just feel like I’m going to cry.