Today I read an excellent comic about what depression is like. It describes a lot of what it’s been like the last few months.
I haven’t hit the point where I feel nothing yet, but the only emotions that really stick are negative ones. I’m frustrated, angry, or sad in much stronger ways than I have been before. Small niggles blow out of all proportion, but big joys? Nope, not feeling anything.
I feel like I have no reason to feel this way, that I should be able to just be ok. But it just doesn’t work like that. I can’t control what I feel, and often I can’t even control how I react to things.
I’m doing everything I’m supposed to – taking my meds, my supplements, going to my appointments, going to the gym. Nothing’s helping.
The hopelessness has set in. It feels like it’s never going to get better. And every time I hear ‘it gets better’ I want to scream. IT’S NOT GETTING BETTER AND THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL’S BROKEN.