One of the hardest things for me to do when I’m depressed is to attend appointments. I don’t want to leave the house, I don’t want to see people, and I sure as hell don’t want to talk about how I’m doing. But of course, it’s when you’re unwell that the appointments multiply.
I remember at one point, I had something like fifteen appointments per month. It was ridiculous. And my reaction to it was very unhealthy.
When I get overwhelmed by the number of appointments, I start to shut down. I pretend that I’m well, give all the right answers, just to make everyone go away. I stop caring about getting help in order to get my peace back.
I don’t know if this is a common thing, the rapidly multiplying interventions and overwhelming desire to make them go away. But it’s happened to me, and it feels like it’s happening again. I hope I can deal with it in a more productive way this time.