Keeping Appointments

One of the hardest things for me to do when I’m depressed is to attend appointments. I don’t want to leave the house, I don’t want to see people, and I sure as hell don’t want to talk about how I’m doing. But of course, it’s when you’re unwell that the appointments multiply.

I remember at one point, I had something like fifteen appointments per month. It was ridiculous. And my reaction to it was very unhealthy.

When I get overwhelmed by the number of appointments, I start to shut down. I pretend that I’m well, give all the right answers, just to make everyone go away. I stop caring about getting help in order to get my peace back.

I don’t know if this is a common thing, the rapidly multiplying interventions and overwhelming desire to make them go away. But it’s happened to me, and it feels like it’s happening again. I hope I can deal with it in a more productive way this time.

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2 thoughts on “Keeping Appointments

  1. Amelia

    My doctor told me I was frustrating today and said I wasn’t trying to help myself, because I missed my last appointment because I just couldn’t get myself going. She told me that I need to do thing that will help me like exercise and Uni (I just had to leave because my brain has gone so foggy I can’t learn anything). She then said I need to get a job because doing something will make me feel better. Even though I just lost my job a month ago, got fired for being out of it.
    You would think a medical professional would have some understanding of these things. But no.

    Reply
    1. Wombat Post author

      I know that many professionals have a big thing about you ‘helping yourself’, but when you’re really low it’s not actually possible. Getting a lecture instead of understanding makes everything so much harder – not only are you feeling crap, but the person who’s supposed to be helping you get well is making you feel like more crap.
      I hope that you can find a way out of this low – drugs that don’t make you so hazy and actually work, or something. Much sympathy.

      Reply

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