One of the things that my psychologist has been saying a lot is that she doesn’t want me to see her as an expert. She may be sincere about this, but it makes me very uncomfortable.
The blunt truth is that she is an expert at what she does. I’m going to her because I need her expertise. She may not be an expert in me – hell, I’m not an expert in me – but she is an expert in her field. And I need what she has learned – or at least, I think I do. I’m starting to wonder though.
She keeps telling me that I’m an expert in me, and she never will be. I guess that’s fair, although I’m not sure I know me that well sometimes. But I’m not looking for an expert in me. I need an expert in dealing with psychological problems to teach me some techniques to help myself through the bad patches.
Her claim that she’s not an expert makes me less willing to trust her. If she’s not an expert, why the hell am I paying so much to see her? I really just want her to step up and say that yes, she knows what she’s doing, and that these are the things we are going to try. I understand that it’s an inexact science, that some of the stuff will work and some won’t, and I accept that. But I need her to be the professional and take some charge over what’s going to happen.