Depression Bites Back

Coming off olanzapine was something I was really looking forward to. But two days after I did, I crashed. Depression bit back in a big way. Not getting dressed, barely leaving the couch. So it’s back on the hated drug. Maybe it will lift me up off the couch again like it did last time. I don’t feel that optimistic right now.

The zopiclone for sleeping doesn’t seem to be helping. The nights I take it still have waking periods in the middle of them, although it’s abbreviated. The nights I don’t take it are just as bad as they were, unless I stay up so late that I’m exhausted. Going to bed early results in being awake for around three hours in the night. I wake up tired. Always tired. I’m getting enough hours of sleep, but having them broken in the middle just isn’t any fun. I want to sleep through the night. I’m wondering if I just increased my olanzapine dose back to where it was, then maybe I could sleep. I hate that drug.

The zopiclone has a side effect that’s considered ‘minor’ – a metallic taste in the mouth. Minor. But it still makes me miserable. Is it what gunmetal tastes like? The thoughts it sends swirling through my head aren’t nice. The taste lasts twelve hours on a good day. Bad days, it’s more.

Being unwell is exhausting. I just want to be normal. If I can’t have that, could I at least be well?

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