Something Fairly Small

The last few days have been a hectic mess. Retrieving one kid from camp, sending the other one off, with all the packing and unpacking and washing that entails. The surgery yesterday for the younger of the two (nothing serious, just grommets and adenoids). It went really well, she was upset for maybe half an hour, napped for half an hour, and then demolished two tubs of icecream and a serving of red jelly, and she was off. Ready to tackle the rest of the day. You couldn’t tell that the child I walked out of the hospital with had been in for an operation.

So, it’s been busy, it’s been a bit dramatic, but I was coping. Right up until this morning. I woke up feeling bleh, and it’s led to a messy day. Even small things push me from ‘on edge’ to ‘too much’. I’m freezing up and melting down, in fairly rapid succession. I want to go back to hiding on the couch.

I don’t know exactly what’s set me off. Maybe it’s the accumulated stress of the last few days. Maybe it’s the deviation from routine yesterday (I am not a 6am person, ever). Maybe I’m actually a little bit sick. I was throwing up last night, and I feel a bit odd today.

There’s a whole lot of maybes in there. I’m a bit worried though. The combination of stresses and sleeping pattern disturbances is very similar to what happened in the week before my last big crash. The only element missing is medication adjustment. I’m really hoping that medication was the key factor. The possibilities are a bit scary.

I might be ok because I have a couple of projects going on and that might save me from dropping off the edge. I’m compulsively working on these things. I don’t know if that’s stopping me getting sick or whether something else is going on. Whether it’s a normal behaviour or whether I’m going to go into a state of compulsively working on anything to hand until I’m not sleeping or eating. It’s a state that got me through a lot of Uni work, but it’s not very healthy.

The agitation I feel, and the desperate need to sew or plan my next holiday, are scary. I hope that it passes soon


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