I Survived Today

There have been many, many worse days in my life. This one just doesn’t even hit the bottom of the terrible day scale. But it was a stressful day and I made it through (bedtime pending).

I stood in the rain waiting for a bus for ~15 minutes, for it to take my partner and I into town to pick up his motorbike. We had lunch in town, and I did not go into a full panic attack in the eatery (no particular reason to, but since when did anxiety require a reason?)

We got the bike, and away we went. And my anxiety went through the roof. I was scared enough that I was screaming at times. The last time we rode, it was a little uncomfortable because I didn’t have a lot of experience riding, but there wasn’t this overwhelming terror. But by the time we were partway down the motorway, I managed to convince my brain that I was not going to die, and calm myself by distraction. I was coherent by the time we finished.

I then picked up the car from where it was parked and drove up the hill. That doesn’t sound like much, but it’s the first time I’ve been behind the wheel for almost three months. I’ve been getting panicky every time I get in the car, but I managed to conquer that (or maybe I’d run out of anxiety to have by that point)

My daughter had a complete meltdown this evening after dinner. My partner dealt with her, but it didn’t go well, and we ended up with her in her room crying and calling for mummy. I managed to think out what was wrong and hoe to fix it, and I didn’t go rushing in and make my partner look like the bad guy. Again, this isn’t a big thing, but when she starts screaming I often freeze up.

There’s still a little bit of evening to go. That doesn’t matter though – I’m proud of what I managed today.

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