Getting Older, Growing Jaded

A lot of my friends have been getting married, falling pregnant, having babies recently. I do look at the babies and sigh a bit – I do miss when my girls were that young. But I’m way past that stage now. Being a teen mother changes a whole lot of things, not just at the time, but later on. When my peers are busy doing all these things, I’m going to parent-teacher meetings, choosing intermediate and high school for my eldest. I’m again an oddity in a world of people ‘doing it right’. It makes me realise, though, that I wouldn’t change it. I have a whole life ahead of me, with no more nappies in sight, kids that are growing increasingly independent, and the prospect of having the house to myself by the time I’m forty. Maybe by then I’ll have enough savings to do the OE that I missed in my teens, but do it with a more mature look on life.

I’ve noticed that things in the news don’t get me as worked up any more. Something crappy is said, and I don’t have the energy to even fight the battle of words that emerges. I’m far more likely to just think ‘fuck it’ and let it slide. Is that jadedness, or is it something more? I don’t know. I don’t think I understand the ins and outs of my mental state to identify what might go wrong and how. Sleeping more and caring less do not seem to be good indicators of wellness somehow.

I’m rambling. SparkNotes version: People I know are doing the things I did nine or ten years ago. I feel ambivalent about it. I’m caring less about stuff. I don’t know if I should worry.

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