Today I had close to a complete meltdown. There was panic, there were lots of tears, and in general it was messy. What happened? My partner was a couple of hours late back from a trip.
It’s not like I didn’t know about it. He kept me updated the whole time, so I knew what was happening. It’s not like it was his fault. It was well out of his control. It was just an unexpected delay.
When he’s here and someone changes plans without notice or is really late, I feel safe and am free to be angry at them for throwing me off balance. But I discovered today that it’s his support that makes me able to cope with sudden changes of plan. When it was him changing plans I felt like I was drowning.
Is that kind of dependence unhealthy? I’m really not sure either way. It’s good that I have a way to feel safe and cope with what life throws at me. It might be bad that the thing that makes me safe is a person. It’s all very confusing.